bushyeyebrows (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
bushyeyebrows) wrote2014-05-09 08:06 pm
bushyeyebrows) wrote2014-05-09 08:06 pm
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SUPERNATURAL OREGON TRAIL : PART 3 (THE UN-GRAND FINALE)
PREVIOUSLY ON SUPERNATURAL OREGON TRAIL: PART 1 AND PART 2
This is it — the final part of Supernatural Oregon Trail! Aren't you excited?? I made this just for you to celebrate.
Haha, just kidding, that's by Pixel_Me_This on Deviantart.
Let's see how Ye Ole As Fornication Impala hath fared.
So basically same as usual.
What a goddamn second, though; is that... it is! Snow!!
Snow! Snooow! As far as the eye can see! Welcome to winter, bitches. This is gonna be the most whimsical and non-catastrophic finale ever! Aren't you just pumped? Someone get out the eggnog and It's a Wonderful Life, we've got some christmas caroling and nutcracking to do —
Christ, I guess not. Dry Sandy sounds like an unfortunate name for someone not getting laid or something.
More like 'Dry Sammy', am I right, Sam.
Last we left our heroes, Sam is a fake doctor ('pharmacist'), Castiel is somehow not dead, Benny is chewing on his own arm, and Dean is making rude jokes about Sam's recent sexual drive. And Kevin is alive! Just like in canon! :)
Ugh, wasn't there a lot of snow earlier? Where the hell is all this dust coming from??
Christ, it's a lot of dust. We end up stuck for, like, a whole page.
See? Pure gaming torture.
We run into a 50/50 chance of signing our own deaths before Benny gets an unfortunate case of the vampiric sniffles.
We have blood on tap, right?
... It's a good thing we buy an unhealthy amount of chickens. Cas will be devastated by their loss; he's already went and named them all.
Say anything rude or blasphemous about that cliffside and I will roll this wagon over the Enochian on your ribcage.Touchy.
Someone is over by the butt.
No thank you.
Our morale is high, probably because these names are all really stupid and joyfully fun to mock.
The snow is coming back again, and maybe it's here to stay for once. Sam has Thoughts about this new revelation.
You know what this means?
Yes.
We pull on our jammies and party all the way to a new fort. Feels good to cover some ground, man!
Granted, they're all freezing their manly, hairy balls off, but at least they're trucking along with good morale.
....... so much for morale, thanks, Dean.
Where to next?
WHAT KIND OF FUCKING SORCERY IS THIS SHIT, WHERE IS THIS GREEN SHIT COMING FROM IN THE MIDDLE OF FUCKING NO WHERE I SWEAR TO CHRIST.
I guess the best thing to do would be to pick some berries or flowers or something. There are a plethora of green plants that you can either toss or keep; some are poisonous, so you've gotta be careful, and whatnot.
The boys use their time wisely.
We also run into a river. Castiel runs into it literally.
Shockingly, we make it, though! Like, what are the odds, right?
Wha — Bullshit!! We were just floating in an 8-foot river!
Let's boot, scoot, and boogy to the next fort so we don't turn into raisins (with equally poor survival skills).
There is literally nothing I can say to contribute to this screencapture.
Traveling toward Sacramento, our weary team happens upon more snow.
But unfortunately, it looks like old-as-balls Castiel can't handle swimming in rivers and then going into freezing temperatures.
What a ninny.
The Impala Caravan ends up hitting what we call A Bad Idea. Considering how badly our treks up and down steep areas go, we're pretty much Anthony Weiner levels of hosed.
Ready?! Here we goooooooooeeeeaaaaaaaiieeeeeee
—eeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee—
eeeeeeeeEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!
Well, Cas is fucked. Kevin isn't doing much better from the fall on the mountain, either.
It's okay, Sam's a doctor.
Shit, we're all out of salt to viciously scrub into the wound. Kevin's a goner.
But the worst part of all this?
Busted.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, THOUGH —
Sam is lookin' mighty fine.
Let's see how Castiel's vitals are doing —
ohmygod
Okay, okay. It's okay, guys. We're doing, uh, we're doing great! Living the American dream. Can't wait to get to Cali!
The morale is high despite Castiel puking blood, Dean sneezing out his brains, and Kevin scabbing over all over his body.
You know what'd make this situation even better?
Mistletoe.
Let's play nurse for a sec.
Oh man. That can't be good. Looks like we might have a death pretty soon, guys. :(
Let's just continue on the trail — after I check up on everyone's vitals.
...
Wait a fucking minute.
WHAAAAAAAAAAT.
I can't believe this.
We trek through the tundra, scouting for food and plants and stuff. Let's see how hunting goes!
[TUMBLEWEED]
And no plants around, either. Hopefully this doesn't go Donner Party too quickly.
The other travelers are getting kind of delirious, I think, because I just traded a hat for a checkerboard.
See?
Oh man, that's tempting.
But we have to be careful, because our inventory is getting pretty jacked.
Oh crap, we're getting sicker.
Can we stop with the cold-related illnesses —
CASTIEL I SWEAR TO GOD —
NO — !!!
INCREASE FLUID INTAKE INCREASE FLUID INTAKE!!!
WE DON'T HAVE ANY FRUITS OR VEGGIES!!! How does a vampire even get scurvy!!!
Even the animals are starting to feel it.
............. Everyone cool?
Oh come on, he can't look that bad...
GROSS!! Put the mosaic blur back on!! Put it back!!
..................
As you can see by Sam's expert check-ups, everyone is pretty much dying horrible, violent deaths.
But we can at least take a moment in this very serious situation to laugh at this like gradeschool kids:
Oh, what fun we have here on the Oregon Trail.
Let's force our exhausted animals to drag us through to the endgame.
Sam administers a little holiday cheer.
Wow, what a scrooge.
Castiel, meanwhile, has also taken a turn for the worst. And yet is somehow still alive. The guy is seriously a cockroach.
The suffering continues:
At this point in the game, you pretty much have to rely solely on trade with smarter people who actually ration their crap.
Toupee Dude? We could really use some pot.
Kevin's not doing so hot.
... What is grippe.
"old-fashioned term for influenza"
Oh.
But you know, despite this, Kevin somehow just.... un-grippes. I imagine he just ingested a ton of vinegar or something at the next stop. We're like, so damn close, which is good because our horses are developing alcoholism, they're so disillusioned.
"Forty Mile Desert"? Yaaaay, sign me up*.
*please don't
The Winchesters also strike gold. Non-literally. I feel I need to specify this, what with it being the 1800's.
Fuck the tin plates, salt's where it's at.
The snow lets up (completely?) and there are luscious fields of green. Maybe our luck is looking up?
......... What..........
YOU SURVIVED SCURVY AND GRIPPE AND THIRST KILLS YOU OUT OF NOWHERE?
: ... Actually, I think he's been dead for a few weeks now.
: Aw! Like Weekend at Bernie's!
Also Sam is inexplicably in critical condition.
But not so critical that he can't hablo a little Español!
There's also finally some plants around! Let's pilfer.
Sweet. Just be careful around the poisonous ones. You eat those, you're liable to get
... yeah that.
Follow the red line!
Oh man oh man oh man, we're in California. I am so ready to bust out the bikini tops!!
(1 pound of salt pork thank you jesus)
What's this guy think of us closing in on our destination?
... Head back home?
That's dumb, you're dumb.
One last stop at Sutter's Fort with a bunch of guys we've seen like 50 times. I'm not going to miss them.
Ready? Wait for it —
Waaaait for it — !!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!
We did it! We beat the final boss! We won the gold! We conveniently killed the Big Bad of the season in 2 episodes anticlimatically!
Sam writes one final entry.
But how does Team Free Will fare in the $$mad dough$$ department?
The game is nice enough to let us know.
Not bad.
It also gives you a score. I cannot fathom any child cared about this score.
... Damn, more animals lived than people. Ain't that a bitch.
The final screen is an Epilogue, letting us know what the team's future awaits. I'm feelin' lucky!
Tarnished — what?!
But, but, who, how — why?! Who would screw up the family name that badly? Who would sabotage everything we worked for??
Eh.
Guess we'll never know.
THE END.
It's okay, Sam's a doctor.
Shit, we're all out of salt to viciously scrub into the wound. Kevin's a goner.
But the worst part of all this?
Busted.
ON THE BRIGHT SIDE, THOUGH —
Sam is lookin' mighty fine.
Let's see how Castiel's vitals are doing —
ohmygod
Okay, okay. It's okay, guys. We're doing, uh, we're doing great! Living the American dream. Can't wait to get to Cali!
The morale is high despite Castiel puking blood, Dean sneezing out his brains, and Kevin scabbing over all over his body.
You know what'd make this situation even better?
Mistletoe.
Let's play nurse for a sec.
Oh man. That can't be good. Looks like we might have a death pretty soon, guys. :(
Let's just continue on the trail — after I check up on everyone's vitals.
...
Wait a fucking minute.
WHAAAAAAAAAAT.
I can't believe this.
We trek through the tundra, scouting for food and plants and stuff. Let's see how hunting goes!
[TUMBLEWEED]
And no plants around, either. Hopefully this doesn't go Donner Party too quickly.
The other travelers are getting kind of delirious, I think, because I just traded a hat for a checkerboard.
See?
Oh man, that's tempting.
But we have to be careful, because our inventory is getting pretty jacked.
Oh crap, we're getting sicker.
Can we stop with the cold-related illnesses —
CASTIEL I SWEAR TO GOD —
NO — !!!
INCREASE FLUID INTAKE INCREASE FLUID INTAKE!!!
WE DON'T HAVE ANY FRUITS OR VEGGIES!!! How does a vampire even get scurvy!!!
Even the animals are starting to feel it.
............. Everyone cool?
Oh come on, he can't look that bad...
GROSS!! Put the mosaic blur back on!! Put it back!!
..................
As you can see by Sam's expert check-ups, everyone is pretty much dying horrible, violent deaths.
But we can at least take a moment in this very serious situation to laugh at this like gradeschool kids:
Oh, what fun we have here on the Oregon Trail.
Let's force our exhausted animals to drag us through to the endgame.
Sam administers a little holiday cheer.
Wow, what a scrooge.
Castiel, meanwhile, has also taken a turn for the worst. And yet is somehow still alive. The guy is seriously a cockroach.
The suffering continues:
At this point in the game, you pretty much have to rely solely on trade with smarter people who actually ration their crap.
Toupee Dude? We could really use some pot.
Kevin's not doing so hot.
... What is grippe.
"old-fashioned term for influenza"
Oh.
But you know, despite this, Kevin somehow just.... un-grippes. I imagine he just ingested a ton of vinegar or something at the next stop. We're like, so damn close, which is good because our horses are developing alcoholism, they're so disillusioned.
"Forty Mile Desert"? Yaaaay, sign me up*.
*please don't
The Winchesters also strike gold. Non-literally. I feel I need to specify this, what with it being the 1800's.
Fuck the tin plates, salt's where it's at.
The snow lets up (completely?) and there are luscious fields of green. Maybe our luck is looking up?
......... What..........
YOU SURVIVED SCURVY AND GRIPPE AND THIRST KILLS YOU OUT OF NOWHERE?
: ... Actually, I think he's been dead for a few weeks now. : Aw! Like Weekend at Bernie's! Also Sam is inexplicably in critical condition.
But not so critical that he can't hablo a little Español!
There's also finally some plants around! Let's pilfer.
Sweet. Just be careful around the poisonous ones. You eat those, you're liable to get
... yeah that.
Follow the red line!
Oh man oh man oh man, we're in California. I am so ready to bust out the bikini tops!!
(1 pound of salt pork thank you jesus)
What's this guy think of us closing in on our destination?
... Head back home?
That's dumb, you're dumb.
One last stop at Sutter's Fort with a bunch of guys we've seen like 50 times. I'm not going to miss them.
Ready? Wait for it —
Waaaait for it — !!
GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOAL!!!
We did it! We beat the final boss! We won the gold! We conveniently killed the Big Bad of the season in 2 episodes anticlimatically!
Sam writes one final entry.
But how does Team Free Will fare in the $$mad dough$$ department?
The game is nice enough to let us know.
Not bad.
It also gives you a score. I cannot fathom any child cared about this score.
... Damn, more animals lived than people. Ain't that a bitch.
The final screen is an Epilogue, letting us know what the team's future awaits. I'm feelin' lucky!
Tarnished — what?!
But, but, who, how — why?! Who would screw up the family name that badly? Who would sabotage everything we worked for??
Eh.
Guess we'll never know.
THE END.